The Invisible Woman

She sits beside him and wonders, does he even know I am here? He hasn’t spoken to me much at all today.. She wonders if he notices the children as they dance in front of him, or the baby when he smiles or does something new.

The phone or tablet seem to have his undivided attention, I remember when I had his undivided attention she thought.

I have tried and tried to tell him how I feel, but he doesn’t hear me. He says he does, but nothing ever changes.
Those moments we just keep missing, alone time, those moments of cooking or cleaning and always ending up in the bedroom, because we just effected each other that way. I feel invisible to him.
My heart is hurting almost constant now, a year ago our lives changed when the new baby entered our lives and all I could think of is how fun this new change will be for us, yet it seems like I am always reaching and trying to get him to see me again. I feel invisible.. When he does for a moment enter into our lives it is to have us do something for him not with him. Or to scold the children..
The children are not in our way, his job doesn’t seem to be in our way, it is that he always has something on his electronics that preoccupies his time. Almost constant.

He is irritable and snappy, my poor children get very little daddy time and I get just about no time with him. I miss him choosing to put his arm around me,I miss his touch and the looks he used to give me. I actually have sent him text just to get him to talk with me. I think the best time is when we travel, because when he is driving he can’t be sidetracked by his other life..but we do have to compete with the radio. I am tired of being 2nd place, I miss being his #1.
He swept me off my feet many years ago and we have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day he was always drawn back to me. Now I think I’m invisible to him, he doesn’t draw to me anymore, maybe he has just forgotten I’m here, or maybe he just doesn’t see me anymore. I’m still the girl that fell for him many years ago and I still fall for him, but he don’t see it now. I can smile or wink and he doesn’t see it.. Unless it looks like this..  I didn’t fall in love with emoji’s..
I long for the day that I have him back, when I look to him and find him gazing at me, I’m aging, I’m bigger than I ever have been and my body isn’t what it used to be, he tells me I’m beautiful, but I don’t stop him in his tracks like I used to. And I miss it, I miss him.

One day, maybe one day, he will put it away and see us again. I just hope it isn’t too late.. I’m afraid when he does choose to put it down our girls will be gone and our son will be grown and will not know his dad and I’m afraid he won’t recognize who I am, I’ll always be here, but I don’t want to be Invisible anymore.

By Ginger HodnettMay 21, 2016

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