Delighting When Your Heartsick


“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick:but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”

Proverbs 13:12

You hear stories of people being given a car or their house being paid off or even stories about people giving someone thousands of dollars. You sit back and think, that could never happen to me.

This very week we had someone call and tell us that they were going to take care of our visa fees and sponsorship and the rest of our support for the next 4 years. We were floored, we wept, shouted and we gave God all the praise. My husband and I talked about how to go about handling these funds, it would be ALOT of money. For about a day we were able to rejoice in the Great thing God had done. Over the next two days, it slowly became clear that this money wasn’t going to be given. Whether the mans heart is right or not, we don’t know. But I do know one thing.. God has it, he has the money we need, he has everything that we need and He will give it to us in His timing.

We were sad because we thought we were going to be able to move sooner to the field, we thought we would be able to raise the money for our moving expenses much easier.. I was saddend because there were other missionaries that were affected by this same man. The dreams and the ideas that you get, things you want to do for God but don’t have the money to do, when you’re told your getting money, your mind goes to racing thinking what project should I do first. Many missionaries are hurting financially. My heart was broken, not just for us, but for them as well. It seemed really strange to me how this whole thing came about, yet it absolutely looked like It was from God. We explained things to our kids so they could see how faithful God is, we were constantly turning our children’s minds towards praising the Lord.. Now the question that runs through my head is, “how do I tell my kids it is not happening.. How do I explain to them that although it seemed like God was working it out, it isn’t going to happen. While we are trying to teach our children to have faith in God, how do I manage this so I don’t lose their faith in God?

But right when I was questioning why this happened and how am I going to tell my children, we heard about a little girl who was injured and had bleeding on her brain, my children were sitting in the room with me perfectly fine and healthy, while I sat there asking why did this happen to us, we heard of another missionary falling into sin and ruining his ministry, there my husband was sitting across from me more in love with me and I with him than ever before.

The discouragement and sadness for myself disappeared. The same God I was trusting in and praising for the last couple of days is still “able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

During deputation the devil has tried many times to discourage and defeat and destroy us and I’m sure he won’t ever stop trying.. But not today devil!! Not today!!

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:19


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